Jonah in a bottle

So, you throw a bottle over board (we’re on a ship here), not necessarily a big bottle, could be a small one, and gone is your garbage. Well, it’s not gone. It’s floating on the ocean.

So, a whale gets hungry. A big whale has a big stomach I assume. He also has a big mouth. The whale opens his big mouth, takes a gulp of water and fish and all that, including a plastic bottle. Now there is defiantly one thing that is not huge in a whale’s body. The throat. So, the bottle gets stuck and the whale has to starve and could get splashed onto shore, very hungry and definitely dead. And all because some idiot couldn’t walk the extra 5 meters to a bin. Shame.

The first message here is, take care of your garbage properly and think while you do something.

The second message is; how much truth is in the bible?

There is a story, where Jonah has to bring a message from god (people had a way better connection to god back then. Nowadays it’s disturbed by phone lines and wifi. Damn modern communication!) to some very bad and nasty people who all lived in the same town. The message said that they would be punished if they did not change their wretched ways.

But Jonah was afraid of the nasty people there and decided to run away from his calling in life (don’t worry, people do much weirder things without getting paid) and took a ship in the opposite direction. Maybe god wouldn’t notice.

But on the way, there was a big storm and the gigantic waves almost tore the ship apart. The crew knew that it was somebody’s fault (as they’d had wonderful weather all year round) and pulled Jonahs name out of hat. That’s how they knew he was the one responsible for the bad weather. As if they weren’t going to throw him overboard already, he kindly offered to jump off the ship to save them. They agreed.

As soon as Jonah had left the ship, the storm settled and the sun came out, birds were singing and the smell of recovery was in the air. Except for Jonah. He got swallowed by a big whale and landed in his stomach. (This is the part where I remind you of the reason you should not throw garbage in the ocean. Compare statements here.) The poor man spent a whole 3 days in the whale’s stomach, as whales have an incredibly slow digestion. In that time, he prayed to god for forgiveness (he had remembered by then that god was everywhere and he would be watching you, especially after giving you a holy mission to fulfill) and release out of the big whale.

After 3 days the whale stopped at an island and let Jonah out, to then hurry off again, so it wouldn’t get killed by illegal Japanese whalers.

Traumatized by the disgusting smell of whale stomach Jonah got on the next ship to tell the nasty people not to be so nasty anymore. When he finally got there and told them god would punish them, they immediately changed, as they hadn’t got that idea before because they didn’t go the church so often, as nasty as they were. Jonah had a sadistic streak in him and thought they would still be punished for all they had done. But god didn’t do anything. Jonah didn’t understand and got quite angry about it. He had gone through all that hazard and now there wasn’t even going to be torture or plague or anything. But god smiled and explained that he was forgiving. He had forgiven the bad people just like he had forgiven Jonah. For they had all learnt their lesson.

What do we conclude from this? Either this happened in a time with prehistoric whales, which had big, wide throats or Jonah was on a very effective avocado-diet or someone just had never looked inside a whale’s mouth, but a vivid imagination instead.

Also, we conclude that people had very different ways of reacting in a panic situation. Instead of shouting and trying to save themselves hectically, they all sat in a circle and pulled names out of a hat, so they had someone to blame.

But, honestly, why haven’t we had a Jonah yet? The world is full of nasty people. It is full of killers, rapists, liars, sadists in every category. We all sin in some way. Did he get eaten by a shark (that is possible, as they can shred you into bits, before swallowing you) or is he still running in the opposite direction? Or did he just not get the message, because of all the disturbances?


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