I wonder, seeing all those silly girls with their naive grins all about, if I had listened.
If someone had told me then: „Believe me, he isn’t worth it.“
I probably would have shaken my head and ignored the advice. But in these situations you really are blind.
Never would you even think of taking a step back and asking yourself what you are investing in.
What am I saving myself for? What am I waisting my energy on?
Am I really achieving something with the hours of skype, lasting late into the night?
When you think you’re the one in control, you don’t realize you’re actually memorizing his time-scedule, his preferences. You don’t see that you are making a bigger fool of yourself, than you ever were – one with loss of sleep and one who talks garbage about someone who may be – mentally or physically – miles away.
What could I have done in the time I stayed up late to talk to him, pretending I’m not tired? What could I have thought about while I was plotting naive plans and hopes.
And there’s always that thought; it might work, it could happen for me. Why not me? It’s like those people who go to these singing-superstar-talent-shows looking for long lasting fame and success when all the winners before them have failed. And so many people sit in front of the their TV at him wondering why those people waste their talent on these shows.
It must be because they believe it will be different for them for them, that they can beat statistics.
Some individuals do beat statistics. They took a chance and they won.
For now though I don’t even want to try. I’m not ready to be so silly again.