Delusions

Isn’t it pathetic to think I could win? It’s just silly – delusional – to imagine that my humble self could win a nation-wide writing competition. What was I thinking?

I lost last year. And I lost this year.

What does this mean? That I’m a bad writer or that I simply couldn’t compete with the 722 other contestants ages 11-21.

I know that it takes years for a writer to get published, but I always thought to myself: “I could be the youngest published author in the world!”

Now that chance is long gone, but still I just wanted a reassurement that I’m not completely arrogant and delusional, believing I was any good at writing.

There was a time, in fact, when I was younger and I thought that I didn’t have to do anything else. I could live from writing books and articles. I still haven’t finished a book and nobody will publish any article of mine in their paper. Instead, I made a blog and published myself.

Nowadays I’m far less of dreamer than I used to be, but I’m still quite delusional.

For example

  • I imagine that, if the whole world sang the same note, the same tune, you could hear it in space. (Physics says otherwise, but I’ll hold on because the image is too perfect)
  • I like to believe that one day (as far off as it may be) all ignorance and hypocrisy will be gone. There would be no one eating half of his food, throwing the rest away, while someone else doesn’t have that luxury and has to be happy with just a fraction of those scraps. A world without lies, a society with an open heart and hand, A world with everyone acknowledging everone around them and on the other side of the earth and where nobody has to step back for the benefit of others, a world without greed. I could go on and on about that delusion of mine, but it is one of the things that keeps me going – as surreal as it sounds.
  • I believe that one day I will get published (even if I am ninty years old and I had to drive the publishers insane before they give me a shot).
  • I wish to see the world, know every culture.
  • When I leave this earth I hope to have left my mark, to have changed something for the generations to come, something someone will remember me for. (Maybe there will even be a Wikipedia article about me)
  • I believe in ghosts.
  • I want to believe in fairies (or else a great big part of my childhood will have to be removed from my memory)

And I will win a writing competition. If not next year, then the year after that, or the one after that again. Or never, but well, I hope so.

 

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4 thoughts on “Delusions

  1. You’ll get there eventually. I’ve entered a lot of writing competitions. Won a few, but lost many more. It’s not pathetic at all, and you will win. Just need to keep trying. The world was built by dreamers who made their dreams a reality. And hopefully one of these days I’ll see your name on the shelves. 😉

      1. You’ll learn to deal with it. Every writer does. 😉 Let’s see, about five years now. Not long to some, but most of my adolescence, so it’s a while to me. You?

  2. Well, when I was about 11 I started Lord of the rings 4 😀 My teacher had said to me she couldn’t see me doing much for school, so then I thought to myself: “I’ll show her!”
    I got to page 3 until the computer crashed and my dad whiped the harddrive.
    But I started writing “properly” about 3 or 4 years ago. My previous attempts can’t really be counted.

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