Habites – Day sixteen

Well, since last night my nails are shorter, but there are a few that survived fully! Today I nibbled…quite a bit.

My presentation went well by the way, really well in fact. It is possible to put a 15 minute presentation together in 3 hours! Breakthrough!

And today I realised something.
I can’t cry in front of others. What does that say about someone’s personality?
Okay, I cried in front of my Ex-Boyfriend when I was breaking up with him. But I wasn’t myself at the time anyway, so that doesn’t really count.

But you know those people who see that someone is crying and then start to cry themselves, even though they have no logical reason to?

I remember last year we found out that the father of a class mate had died. The class mate was at home, but all of a sudden a few girls sat together and started to cry, more and more people followed. Even the girl who always acted cool toward the outside showed tears in her eyes.

The guys didn’t cry. They got all worked up and awkward and went somewhere else. And well, I didn’t cry either. I couldn’t.

Of course I felt sad, but it’s not my place to cry, none of my business. That privilege goes to the people who experienced that loss first hand.
I cried later, when I was alone. Partially because of sadness going around and also because I now felt that people thought I was cold-hearted.

And I cry at death scenes in films or when something really epic happens. But only when I’m alone – and in front of my mother.

If something happens to me personally I might cry about it in public, but probably I’d just do how I always do. Wait until I’m home or hide.

Is crying like laughing or yawning? One person starts, many follow?

The reason I’m bringing this up is because a friend cried after telling  a story in theatre class today. Two of us followed her outside. And well, I felt really sorry for her, but I didn’t feel the urge to cry. The other girl did, not uncontrollably like some others, but still.
Don’t think I’m some deeply disturbed person because of this. But you know – happy people make a better world.

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