I typed that question into google and found plenty of articles about why you should or shouldn’t get married.
But that’s not what I meant. A few years ago, when we were talking about evolution in biology, we watched this film about how the Homo developed from a monkey to the Homo Sapiens we are today (not that much better really, considering it took millions of years).
They mentioned that they conducted some kind of funeral when somebody died, that they believed in something higher. So I suppose that looking for something higher than ourselves is really an million-years-old-instinct.
So does that have something to do with the reason why we get married?
Who had that idea?
As human beings I think we’re meant to live in herds – but that doesn’t mean we need to live in couples.
Personally, the whole Idea of marriage scares me. To me marriage means that you’re tied to this one person for the rest of your life and how am I supposed to know who that should be? Especially because I am someone who can never make her mind up. Also, they say that every bad habit gets worse with age.
My first boyfriend, for example, was quite jealous and said he didn’t want to pressure me and the next minute said something that pressured me even more. If we’d have got married, by the time we were 50, he wouldn’t have let me out of the house.
And if I look at the amount of people getting a divorce these days – it’s no longer “Until death do us part”, it’s: “Until you can’t stand each other anymore”. It’s a miracle my parents are still together, considering how much they annoy each other sometimes.
Why do you get married these days? Love? Finances? Or is it the fear of losing someone if you don’t tie them to you for the rest of your lives?
Or is it about the dress? There’s a documentary called “My big fat gipsy wedding” and it shows how the life of these gipsy girls is all about the wedding, their whole life is set towards that one day.
Why can’t people just be together, happily in love, without adding that pressure of getting married and exchanging vows and making promises that, over the years, you might not be able to keep.
To be honest, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breaking up. If you don’t want to be in that relationship anymore, then you should leave because in the end that will make both happier.
If you’re married and you notice that life as husband and wife is not all that great – you have to go through a divorce. You have to tell the state that you’re breaking up. But in the end, it’s the same as breaking up as a non-married couple – but messier.
So who did start this whole concept of marriage? Was it the church so that they could keep the people under control – out of cheating and mischief. In the old days, marriage was the only way for a woman to secure her existence. Without a man she was worthless – no pressure at all, right?
But no, it goes back further than that. After all, the Greeks tell stories about Hades forcing Persephone to marry him or the romans tell the story that Venus and Volcanus were married, but Venus had an affair with Mars and well, to be honest I think those gods need family therapy.
The Egyptians did it. They married their brothers and sisters.
So it goes so far back. But why? Is it also a natural instinct to get married? It’s not my natural instinct. The only way it could be a natural instinct is because society had shown that that’s what you do: You love someone, you get married, you have children, you live a long and happy life and then you die, knowing you had somebody to love.
I have a friend whose parents didn’t get married at all and are now broken up, but share custody for the children. My friend is fine. Okay, she’s a very free soul in many ways, but there’s nothing wrong with it. She has a boyfriend and they seem terribly happy together.
You don’t have to get married to be happy. There are plenty of couples who live together and have done so for years without ever getting married, because they trust each other and love each other enough to stay by their side – without some contract by the state that says you have to stay together forever now.
In fact, I think it’s more romantic not to get married, if you consider that at times in human history people would get married to keep or attain a particular status. Nowadays people marry a celebrity to become famous. Or have you never wondered how some people got to go on the red carpet?
Of course I can’t tell you when it all started – if somebody does know, please tell me.
So this is my take on marriage for the moment, a 17-year-old who runs from stereotypes, what’s yours?