Ah, you’re female? – Shorten the fabric!

I’m really excited to go to Cologne for the Carnival in a week. It will be my first time in Cologne aswell. Thing is, I still need a costume. You can’t go to the Carnival in COLOGNE without a costume. Now I’ve been looking around and why was I even surprised when I realized there were rather large differences between mens and women’s costumes.

https://i0.wp.com/www.thehut.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Tim-Burtons-Alice-In-Wonderland.jpg

I was thinking about going as Alice (from Alice in Wonderland in the 2010 movie), because, obviously, the costumes were awesome. I would go as any of the characters really, just that Alice takes less work due the fact the only make-up I’d need is maybe some to make me look even paler. The other two are slightly more high-maintenance.

So I googled Alice in Wonderland, Costume to see if I could find anything resembling the dress. I came across a website that promised original film-costumes at a reasonable price.

This is what I found for Alice.

https://i1.wp.com/www.marken-heels.de/images/product_images/original_images/charming-alice.jpg

Really? Really? This is what Alice looks like? I don’t think so.

Not only is that the sluttiest Alice I’ve ever seen, but it’s February people! Wearing that, you’ll either end up getting a bad cold or flu or simply having to wear your jacket all the time, hiding the slutty costume.

I remember googling Wonder Woman because I wanted to find a figure, a symbol for strength in women. What did I find? Kim Cardashian and Megan Fox in a skin-tight costume, hiding only what was necessary to be worn in public, having their boobs burst out of the top like giant balloons filled with water.

https://i2.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/716e542d49c39b98dbc852ebe09c4947/tumblr_mhp7hqbxgM1qjzyxso1_1280.jpg
I thought she was his cousin or something?

Of course she’s not as good and strong and respected as superman. I’m guessing she’s just something a lonely comic lover can…get happy…to.

But look at that outfit? Does that look practical to you for flying around and fighting off bad guys? Besides, I doubt a woman can really be that muscular and still have boobs that big without getting implants.

I bet it’s not even easier to get dressed when you’ve got less to put on. You’ve got to check everything’s in the right place first.

Is Carnival – or Halloween or any themed party – an excuse for women to go dressed as a stripper?

I happen to be a woman-in-the-making and I prefer to go fully clothed, especially as these occasions tend to take place in winter or autumn. Nobody ever thought of timing these things for summer or spring; thanks Pagans!

To finish; I here-by present the worst female Musketeer costume Google could come up with. Honestly, I sometimes think about going into costume design just so girls don’t have to freeze when they dress up.

https://i1.wp.com/bilder.afterbuy.de/images/47945/9027MTheaterKostuemMusketier700x700.jpg Seriously, who picked that colour combination; and those boots and she is certainly not a real blonde either.

As I keep saying: Impractical!

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3 thoughts on “Ah, you’re female? – Shorten the fabric!

  1. I’ve been through this on many a Halloween trying to find a costume for my teenaged daughter that didn’t scream “Whore!” Not the easiest task, to be sure. There doesn’t seem to be any ‘in-between’ section. You go straight from cute, little-girl sized Ariel and Cinderella dresses to slutty nurses, candy strip(p)ers, and Alice-a-go-go. I can only assume that none of these costume designers are mothers.

    1. I didn’t see your comment at first, sorry. No, they’re probably men^^
      It seems you have to choose between cheap …let’s say inappropriate costumes and plain boring ones. There are good ones out there – so either you have to pay a lot more of money or you have to get lucky. Unfortunately I always start looking for a costume too late.

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