Honestly at this very moment, if money was no object, I would not be going to school anymore. Do you think it’s fun to go to school every day, listen to what a terrible student I am in some subjects, so that I can then graduate after several four-hour exams (one of them MATHS) and move on to university where I can read more books and write more scientific papers where I’ll get all the formalities and quotations wrong? The only good thing about school is that I see my friends every day and that I don’t waste my days in front of the TV or in bed.
But if money were no object, I would not go.
I would travel, meet new people, talk to them, see new places, take pictures and write about the places I’ve seen and the people I’ve met. I’ve been thinking about volunteering for the German Red Cross and help out wherever help is needed. For example as the media showed the damage of the flooding in South-East Germany a few weeks ago I thought I wanted to be there, heaving sandbags, not in school, wasting paper.
Maybe this is all just talk and I would not take the chance if I got it, but this is the way I feel.
And maybe, when I would have travelled about and experienced things other than the path to school and back, I would know what I want to do with my life.
To live as if money were no object is what I’ve been told, too. But how could I do it?
Yesterday I went to see a play about a group of young people who escaped the expectations of society to get a good education, a good job, a good loan, a good husband and all of that in a timely manner into a simple box with grass – a sanctuary from reality, if you like. But then they realized that they weren’t out, but that the real world still influenced them as they were trying to be careless.
It’s a shame that the play did not give me the answer I was looking for – how to get out. But they never found a real way out, they went back in.
If I just stopped going to school after the summer holidays, a year before my exams, I would probably be looked down upon. Many do twelve years and then an apprenticeship for one year and then have something that allows you to study at particular schools. I’m not brave enough to leave school with a “normal” graduation, what you’d have after high school. Why would I stop one year before my final exams? That would be ridiculous, right?
At my age it’s so important what level you graduate at – 20 years from now that won’t matter. But I’m not capable to imagine myself 2o years from now. I’ll be 38. I cannot imagine myself being 38.
I don’t know, this is probably all talk and I’ll carry on after the summer holidays and do my exams and then I will go on studying and think about ending it and carry on and then at one point I’ll be working and then I’ll die.