The beginning of my criminal career

I thought we were going home. He told me to go to the toilet before we left, but we were already outside the house and I wasn’t going to pee in the bushes. I thought we would be home in twenty minutes and I could easily hold it.

I was wrong.

We have four subjects in the car. Subject A, myself, Subject B, the driver, Subject C, a friend, and Subject D, the idiot.

We started out with three people, I’ll admit I was slightly tipsy from the champagne toast at midnight, so I did not react so quickly when subject C said we had to pick up a friend, a dealer.

Now, what kind of dealer, you might ask.

Well, imagine me on CSI Miami, with no guns and no horrific rap music playing, also no tattoos and no Horatio.

He was a drug dealer. We picked up Subject D, because Subjects C and D wanted to hang out and smoke weed, but Subject C had run out and asked Subject D to bring some.

Now, Cannabis and its consequences are highly disputed. So far, apparently, no long-term brain damage could be attributed to smoking too much weed. But it does reduce the ability to pay attention.

Well, since yesterday evening I have definitive proof that Cannabis causes long-term stupidity.

The Dealer, Subject D, had forgotten the drugs.

So, my bladder growing more impatient, they told the driver to drive to one place and the next. Let’s just say this; we left shortly after midnight. I arrived home at half past one.

Subject C started calling his other dealers. It was fascinating to listen to them speak. Can’t they be nice to each other when they’re asking for weed?

It’s sad when you realize someone is addicted, so addicted we had to drive all around the Frankfurt area. And I really needed to pee. But I did not say anything. I was annoyed, but I thought to myself, you should take this as a lesson and an experience and a bladder-practice.

We went by the school (not my school) to find some people who happened to be hanging around and who happened to have some drugs to sell. They did not find any. At first I did not want them to find anyone with drugs, but honestly, after about an hour, I could not help thinking: “Can they please just get their weed and go! I have to pee!”

We went here and there, stopped in a park, they did not find anyone.

But here’s the highlight: Have you ever been stopped by a police car before?


Me neither.

But we almost were. We were headed in my direction when a police car turned and drove closely behind us, its lights blinking.

A discussion broke out whether to stop or not, the driver was panicking, the idiot was laughing and the friend was sensible enough to convince the driver to pull over. We heard the police use their loudspeakers and honestly I was not sure what to feel. I was a bit scared, a bit pissed off because I would never have gotten in this kind of situation on my own, but also a bit excited, because I’d never been stopped before.

So we pulled over and the police car passed us; we all could breathe again and I really needed the toilet.
Say NO to drugs! I have proof it’s harmful, I have his address.

When I finally got home, I was glad I did not need to cruise around with them anymore. Honestly I don’t know why Subject B drove us everywhere, when he himself does not drink or smoke or anything. If it had been me behind the wheel I would have driven them home and told them to see to it themselves if they were so desperate.

When we arrived near to my house, the idiot definitely proved that Cannabis does long-term brain damage. Near our house there is an old green house, very big, unmanned and full of weed. But not that kind of weed. Normal leaves and plants that have not been cut for years.

And the idiot asked me:

“Will we find weed in there?”

“I’m sure you’ll find weed in there.”

“No, seriously, like, real weed?”

I did not laugh. It was not funny anymore. What was he going to do? Break into the greenhouse and look for weed in the middle of the night?

So, that’s what I did last night, what did you do?

Next time, I think, before I get into a car with Subject C again (I hope I never have to talk to subject D), I’ll just get the last train that leaves an hour earlier.

I hope Subject C knows, probably not though, that I do not support smoking, nor drugs, nor excessive drinking (especially as a sip of campaigne will get me drunk). Because the truth is, smoking opens you up to drugs, soft drugs open you up to harder drugs, harder drugs open you up to serious addiction and health risks and those things lead to death or at least ruin – I’m not sure which is worse.



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