On becoming a grandmother at 20 (etc.)

First of all, let me make one thing clear: There is no elegant way to finish a packet of crisps. So you’re either scratching them out of the bottom corner, getting your fingers all salty and oily, more licking rather than eating the last crumbs of this scrumptious, yet not very filling snack, or your gaping your mouth wide open and tipping the remains into it, getting most of it down your shirt. And yes, you have to get the last crumbs out of the packet! Otherwise what’s the point? You pay for a whole packet of chips and are reminded every time that they only fill half of it. So you’re eating half of what you’ve been promised anyway, so you have to make the most of what you’ve got!

Okay, so you people who stare at me at the station when I am salvaging the last few salty crumbs from my crisps packet – deal with it!

Right, now that’s out of the way: How’ve you been?

Since being in England I have become a very unreliable blogger and I do apologise. I suppose I have been quite busy, also what might be exciting to me will probably not be very exciting to you.

I think I am becoming an old lady, in a sense. I am still young and agile (I have been trying to establish a Yoga and exercise routine for the last four months), but I have grown fond of things like crocheting, baking and cooking. I rant about small children who cry and squeal and comment on ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! Seriously, there was a child sitting behind me on the train the other day, singing some distorted version of a song it hardly knew, pointing out that “The train is slowing down now.” or “I can see a tree!”, while I was just trying to have some peace and quiet and read my book! Oh yes and that’s another thing I wanted to fill you in on today – I feel like I have to wear dark sunglasses, a hat and a fake beard when I go to buy a new book for myself. Some of the books I read are “teen” fiction, so, as I am still nine-“teen” for a few more weeks, it should be fine. But then why to they make the covers to be pink and over-dramatic in bold writing with two googly-eyed wild heroes on it? WHY? And why do they put these books in the same area as “Pippa Pig” and label it: “Kids and Teen Books”? Everytime I go to the cash desk to purchase my new pink and purple novel, I feel like I need to justify myself by saying it’s not as bad as it looks! It’s a good book, really! It’s really well written and it’s not even that cheesy! The other day I bought myself the first Grisha Book by Leigh Bardugo and it had a purple cover and the words “Shadow and Bone” swirling above a Russian palace and I brought it up to the counter (after fetching it from the “Kids and Teen”-section below, where everything was a lot more pink and fun) and the guy was so attractive! He had a great smile, great eyes, a cool beard. But he probably thought I was sixteen and crying over Zayn leaving One Direction.

They are my guilty pleasures and I don’t intend to change that anytime soon, especially since there are a few sequels coming up that I HAVE to read, but please can you stop trying to make them look like they want to scream at a new pair of high heels.

On another note: British Rail (Southern Rail especially): Can you please get a grip? You are really starting to annoy me. All I can say is that many times in these last three months I have had to tell myself: “There are worse things in life.” over and over again, so I could calm down. I had to remind myself that there are such things as wars and slavery and disease so I would not go off on an endless internal rant about the blimming train “service”.

Just – if you’re going to be this crap, please don’t charge me this much, ok?


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