Mr. and Mrs. Cannonfodder have a baby

Mr. and Mrs. Cannonf odder had great news for their relatives. They had gathered them all for coffee, which came as separate capsules made of aluminium, they had bought in the supermarket. But Mrs. Cannonfodder was not drinking any coffee today – nor would she for the next nine months, since the news she and her husband were about to break to everyone was that Mrs. Cannonfodder was with cannon fodder child. So they told them and the relatives cheered loudly, congratulating them on their produce. The thought of the economic growth caused by this cannon fodder child was something to be happy about and they could not wait for the cannonfodder to become an upstanding member of a civilised society and do their part in keeping the free market alive. To celebrate, grandma and grandpa Cannonfodder went to the supermarket again and spent some money. The new cannonfodder baby was already showing its economical purpose and everyone was very happy. As the cannonfodder grew up, it was given many things made out of plastic and aluminium, like a Barbie house, and later a mobile phone and a computer and Mr. and Mrs. Cannonfodder were glad to consume on behalf of their offspring which fueled their purchasing power to a degree they would never have managed themselves, but they were so full of selfless love that they cannonfodder child opened new economical investment opportunities for them. Of course the cannonfodder child had to be modelled and pressed into the right form so it could be eased into the economic system later in life. By the time it was an adolescent, the cannonfodder child began to have doubts about the system and what the real point was of working endlessly. It began to ask questions and society answered: “But my dear, fair child, you know nothing of the world. You have much to learn. You must work to live, don’t you see, that is the right way to go.” But there were moments when the cannonfodder child didn’t think that answer was enough, so then society argued: “Dear innocent, ignorant child! Don’t you want to build your life? Don’t you want to start a family of your own? Don’t you want to own your own house like your parents? You may not know it now, but soon, between twenty and thirty years of age is best, you will find love. And love, oh, love! Love is the greatest gift of all! Love is something money can’t buy. We humans need love like we need air. You must find love or else; what meaning has your life had? What legacy have you left?”

And so the cannon fodder child nodded and suddenly felt lonely and incomplete. It searched for love and when it had found it, it started its own family of cannonfodder offspring, just like society had hoped. And should there be yet another crisis concerning the meaning of life, there would be no time nor space for such nonsense. As now the cannonfodder child was a responsible adult with tiny cannonfodder children to care for and a cannonfodder spouse to support, a mortgage to pay off and a holiday to save up for because the cannonfodder family really wanted to go to Disneyland, since, what else was the point of life than to be happy? And soon the family society had promised the cannonfodder became the very leverage that kept the cannonfodder child inside the system, forever spinning the wheel. Until, alas, though the offspring were finally old enough to become instruments of capitalism themselves, the cannonfodder had long expired and now waited to be thrown away since there was not much left they could do now that their bodies were haggard from work and the chemicals they’d been consuming all their lives and their pensions would cover an apartment, there was not much room for travel or luxuries. But it was alright, since the cannonfodder senior had been convinced that to be happy one does not need material things, one needs only love. Cannon fodder finally passed away and the offspring continued the cycle in strive for love and success, wondering all along if maybe they ought to be doing something else with their lives, but society answered them – and soon enough their lives were also over.




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